Roamer

By Jade Bald

As a kid, I was always moving because my mom couldn’t get her life in order and went back to school full time to study law after having me. She had a decade between the time she finished her geology masters and when I came along, I don’t understand why she couldn’t have done the whole school thing before having me. Alas, life just happens. 

This employment hiatus resulted in us being in the low income bracket for a few years, only to improve financially when she struck gold at a law firm (but that was after more moves). I hated moving so much. It meant new schools, new friends, new neighbourhoods, and new houses to get used to. I soon realized how making friends wasn’t worth it, because we’d up and move once more. 

Over the course of my youth we travelled abroad together. Panama. Florida. Pennsylvania. The UK. Alberta. Of course, it was always on her schedule and her budget. We got up insanely early to catch flights and we had to stick to schedules. I got the sense she was constantly anxious something would happen and it dimmed the mood. What was supposed to be a mom-daughter trip felt, to me, like a business trip. 

Speed up to the time I was twenty seven. I concocted a scheme in my head, that at the time, felt oh so so so delicious. I was going to ‘run away’ to the UK, my favourite European country, with the inheritance money my dad left me (which had been used partly to buy the old house and which I’d get back as part of the profit when my mom sold it). I was going to say sayonara to all the rules and travel on my terms. I’d travel at my own damn pace! 

I was considering buying a little flat or cottage and basically starting a whole new life. I planned on doing weekend trips to Provence, France (where my Scottish huguenot ancestors are from) and Switzerland (my second favourite European country). I even imagined renting a luxury Jag roadster and doing a road trip on the continent, staying at the best hotels, and maybe even doing a river cruise. That’s the bougie Virgo in me. Lol.

I even imagined catching the eye of a hot European guy. 

It didn’t quite happen the way I envisioned it would….

I ended up renting a place for six months (in Canada) before I moved out because the landlord was crap. In that time though, it afforded me space to think and do my own thing, feeling semi-independent. I didn’t feel satisfied, but it was cheaper than living in a huge city like Toronto or Ottawa, London or Edinburgh. 

I moved once again into a small condo unit in a small town, where I’ve still resided  for the past few years, (and still feel unsatisfied). Yes, it’s given me time to do things on my own and write, feeling once again, semi-independent. I dream of residing in the city at some point, but I need the funds to do so. I have to factor in my health, too. It sucks feeling as I do when I just want to move, to explore every inch of this planet we call earth. 

Fast forward to a few weeks ago and I discovered my black moon lilith is in sagittarius, the explorer, and my main numerology personality is five (my second LPN is eight). I’ve also got a sag in my fourth house, which denotes traveling, falling in love with foreigners, or moving abroad. Life path five is another explorer, full of energy and a desire for change. I was creeped out when I learned all this, but it made sense now: feeling caged in when things get too routine. 

I was even more creeped out when I discovered my moon was in scorpio, the most emotional of all the moon signs, and the moon sign with mother trouble. This was all after discovering I was an INFJ, and then a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) early last year. It explained why I’m battling fibromyalgia now. I had lots of stress early on and it was catching up to me.

Now I wonder if all the energy in me is going into my head because I’m bored and that’s making things worse….

I turn thirty in a little over two months. I’m a little apprehensive, pondering what will come in the next decade. I mean the decade’s started off on a not-so-great foot, with COVID 19 and George Floyd’s death. I’m wondering if my health will improve enough to move once more and travel, too. I’m yearning to fill my insta up with photos from my travels. I want experiences to write about, too. I mean it’s one thing to use your imagination to write and another to base what you’ve experienced IRL. 

So everything has come full circle. I’ve come to accept that change is inevitable (and sometimes needed in order to grow). Another thing is that plans often don’t go according to, well, plan. Moreover, I’ve got quite a lot of experience to write about. It’s also ok to take a break now and again when it’s needed.There’s still lots of time to figure things out. 

Society puts so much emphasis on the twenties as a period of self experimentation and adventure, and the thirties as a time to start making roots somewhere. I think this is why many young people feel frustrated, especially in this day and age. Being financially independent is harder at this time, as is finding affordable housing and a mate (who is willing to stick around to help raise little beings). Not to mention it feels like a troubling time to bring new life into this world. Terrorism. Migrants. Border issues.Global warming. Race issues. 

I myself can relate to this frustration. Due to fibro the past five, six years, well I feel ripped off. I feel like I could have done so much in that time, seen so many places, met so many people, taken so many photos, and written so many stories. Yes, I’ve researched a lot of stuff about the fibro body and being Highly Sensitive, and gotten a few freelance writing gigs, so nothing’s totally lost. 

Not to mention the fact that scorpio moon individuals go through a period of extreme turmoil between the last half of their twenties, but it’s followed with good things. It was surprising to learn about this and a little uplifting to know it’ll get better. I just wonder what that ‘good thing’ will be. There are so many possibilities! 

I think, considering my main life path number being five, my lilith in sag and a horse in the Chinese horoscope, I think I’ll always be on the move. I believe I’ll always have the urge to be a nomad of a sort, always wanting to expand in the physical or mental sense. Five life paths and sag liliths are cautioned to wait until later to settle down with a mate, because otherwise you’ll leave someone with a broken heart at the altar. I have no objection to this, being a feminist and having trust issues with men (another issue in the scorpio moon placement). 

I believe that sometime in the future I will ride that camel in the Moroccan desert and sit on the deck of the boat as it weaves it way down a European river. I will see kangaroos in the outback and swim with stingrays in the caribbean. I will even ride a horse through the waves in the Bahamas and sit in a train carriage watching the landscape of Europe pass by. I will eat breakfast with giraffes in Kenya and helicopter over the Amazon jungle. I’ll surf the tides in California and I’ll finally drive down a European country road in a luxury two door car.

I’ll do all this because I’m a roamer. 

Jade is a Canadian, history graduate and cat mom. She’s written freelance for many blogs including: Aroga Yoga, The Haven, Creative Penn, Women Writers Women’s Books, Visibly Affirming, The Hisdoryan, Rebelle Society, and The Good Men Project. When not writing, she enjoys walks, astrology, a good cuppa and a bloody good mystery.

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